The past month has been a tumultuous time in the world of Film Twitter. Martin Scorsese’s comments on Marvel films have created a firestorm, so we here at TSFO decided to take our time machine for a spin and visit some dead filmmakers to show them a movie from the MCU we’d think they’d like and get their opinions. And yes, it’s an actual time machine. We built it for the most important reason of all, defending superhero movies from criticism.
John Ford on Captain Marvel: “This is nonsense. You’re going to tell me this woman does all this without a man guiding her? Horseshit. Get out of my office! Security! Get this commie out of my sight!”
Akira Kurosawa on Thor: Ragnarok: “ハンマーを失った背の高い金髪の人は、私の映画「野良犬」を思い出しました。警察官は銃を失い、それによって彼の自信を失います。”
(Sorry, I don’t understand Japanese.)
Stanley Kubrick on Guardians of the Galaxy: “That was an enjoyable piece of fluff. The raccoon was interesting, his initial indifference towards the others is something I could relate to and the tree was cute. But, I’m more curious about your time machine. How does it work? How did you crack the mysteries of time travel? Please, tell me. I can get so many more takes.”
Kubrick, ever the inquisitive mind, pushed me to reveal the secrets of time travel. Reluctantly, I explained to him how our time machine worked and he took copious notes. I know I shouldn’t have but it was an opportunity to spend more time with one of my idols and I couldn’t resist. He was riveted and hung on my every word. Once we were done I was struck with a very painful headache and a nose bleed that came out of nowhere. It subsided after a few minutes and I was dreadfully embarrassed but Kubrick just smiled and whispered to himself, “It worked”.
D.W. Griffith on Black Panther: “I don’t get it. Where are the white people? Are those them? Are they wearing blackface? They’re actual black people? No no no. This isn’t right. Surely they’re the villains and the Klan is going to come in and save the day. What do you mean, no? They made America great! Out! I refuse to watch any more of this godless abomination!”
Wes Craven on Doctor Strange: “I have to say I loved this. The psychedelic dream imagery, the performances, all of it worked for me. They really delved into Stephen Strange’s character in ways I didn’t expect. Who would have guessed that when Kubrick directed Superman: The Movie and Batman that we’d be here.”
(That didn’t seem right but my nose bled again when I thought about it.)
Craven continued, “Isn’t it amazing how he parlayed that success into starting Marvel Studios and launching the MCU?”
What about you, dear reader? Do you agree with their thoughts? Did Scorsese insult Kubrick’s memory and his legacy, the MCU?