Spider-Man actor Tom Holland was spotted with a former marvel co-star at the outdoor dining area of an In-N-Out Burger in West Hollywood – and no we’re not talking about the dashing Zendaya who’s hot off the acclaim of Euphoria, the hit show of the summer, nor was it the great Robert Downey Jr. who’s sure to win this year’s best actor at the Academy Awards for his courageous, final portrayal of Tony Stark.
Nope, the British heartthrob was seen sipping a soda and noshing on fries with dead end actor and soon-to-be nobody, John Farvue.
The grown man who has yet to play the lead in a single blockbuster film was seen chowing down on a stage one of grief meal that consisted of a 4×4 animal style burger in one hand and a fist full of fries in the other. Awestruck bystanders later reported that there was a grease-stained to-go bag nestled in between Farvue’s inner thighs. The logical guess would’ve been that the bag was being saved for the pity party of one that awaited him at home (probably a studio apartment in East LA) along with the other stages of grief that he will endure as he spirals down this dark career path.
This hack, way past his prime, was seen sobbing into his grease-covered hands while a calm and understanding Holland rubbed his shoulder repeating the phrase, “Keep your head. Do it for spidey,” in a soothing tone. Farvue, as absorbed into his own shattered world as he was isolated in it was reported to have been whispering under his breath the theme song to the partridge family, looping the line, “Come on, get happy,” a dark and possibly subconscious understanding of the ironic joke that is his life.
The would-be has-been then got up, threw the soggy to-go bag against the exterior wall of the West Hollywood In-N-Out, which revealed that he had not two, but three more 4×4 animal style burgers that he was saving for that middle-aged version of “sad boi hours” back in East LA. And after hitting the metaphorical wall – which is the current state of his life – and the physical wall – the now burger juice dripping plaster of the famed west coast burger joint, John Farvue let out a blood curdling scream that was followed by him calling Kevin Feige a “mouse – no rat – fucking snake oil salesman” who is the “sole reason for this abrupt end to the partnership between us and the honest people over at Columbia Pictures (a subsidiary of the Sony family of corporations).”
He then started ripping open single serving ketchup packets with his teeth and scribbled unknown tomato paste chicken scratch on the small wall that he had thrown his coronary bypass of a meal at only moments earlier.
At this point, a representative of the In-N-Out staff came out and asked Holland to “control his friend unless he wanted the police to come.”
Holland was reported to have glanced back and forth between the burger flipper and the dumpster fire of a man. He apparently started to imagine the future headlines of what would happen if he didn’t distance himself from Farvue. Zendaya would probably change the password to the HBO Go login that she had lent Holland so that he could watch her new hit show, Euphoria. If she found out that he was affiliated with this once sweet, but now delirious mad man then it would be assured that he would never find out what happens to Rue after the last episode’s cliffhanger. He needed to jump from this sinking ship, and he needed to do it fast. So he let out a nervous chuckle and said, “What friend? I’ve never seen this man before in my life,” and proceeded to back away as he put on incognito black sunglasses.
Farvue, now walking and talking with the mannerisms of an antebellum debutante started questioning and flirting with the In-N-Out burger representative.
“Am I needed at Stark tower?” he asked the man in the red cap whose fists were clenched in a death grip of fear.
Farvue, now more giggly and bombastic than a man in his situation should be sauntered over to the representative, twirling an umbrella that wasn’t there and commented on the heat outside.
“This weather has got me awfully parched,” the too far gone Farvue said, “Can I trouble you for a glass of lemonade?” He noticed how nice the man’s eye were: sky blue under a fire engine red cap.
The minimum wage worker, fear of violent death in his eyes kept his cool and answered, “Of course,” and led him inside for a cup of minute maid. The soon-to-be involuntary committed actor caressed the stiff chap in the red hat and said, “thank you, I’ve always relied on the kindness of strangers,” as they disappeared into a crowded room of hungry customers and sizzling grilled burgers.
We reached out for an update on Farvue’s status, but received no comment from Marvel/Disney, Feige, or Sony Pictures.