Star Wars Fan Fiction Writers Go On Strike Against Ridiculous Canon

The Rise Of Skywalker changed the paradigm of Star Wars beyond comprehension. Rey was super special, Palpatine survived the vacuum of space, Leia became a ghost, Kylo Ren rebuilt and then threw away his helmet, and Finn felt things he just couldn’t confess.

Reactions have been mixed to The Rise of Skywalker ranging from “This series isn’t special anymore” to “Flashing lights are pretty.” JJ Abrams and Chris Terrio have responded to this criticism by shifting the blame to extended universe. Rae Carson, writer of the The Rise of Skywalker Novelization has tried her best to patch this sinking submarine with chewing gum. 

First, we learned that the Rey and Kylo Ren kiss wasn’t romantic. Then we found out that the Palpatine who dies in The Rise of Skywalker is just a clone, including Rey’s dad. And the cherry on this sundae was finding out Leia could hear Jedi voices even after she stopped training

The collective voices of, Wattpad, and Archive of Our Own screamed out in agony: “ENOUGH IS TOO MUCH!”

Daisy Green, longtime Rey/Chewie shipper, has led a coalition of unpaid, uncredited and unappreciated Star Wars writers. To deal with the uncompromising statements towards canon Galaxy Crafters Local 456 was formed.

Under normal circumstances we’re all for introducing new ideas into the Star Wars Universe…I don’t know what kind of death sticks Abrams and Terrio have been taken! Who do these ideas satisfy?! Who is happy to know that everything in the universe is pointless except for one crotchety old space wizard!”

Fan fiction writers have remained stalwart behind Green; preparing for the newest changes in canon. Star Wars fans are likely to vocally support but grumble as they pre-order the ticket to the next spin-off. Other groups have not acknowledged the fan fiction with the exception of Piano Tuners 412.

Max Rebo was not available for comment. 

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