Congrats! You’re now part of the MCU!
In a surprising bit of news, Marvel Studios head Kevin Feige has been named Chief Creative Officer of your life, whether you like it or not.
The move comes as Feige continues his streak of unprecedented hits. Not only does he have an upcoming project in the Star Wars universe, he also has been put in charge of your life. Get ready for more excitement in your, up until now, boring existence! Looking for a purpose? What’s better than being a part of a multi-billion franchise?
Feige shared his enthusiasm in a statement released to your parents, “After so long deciding the fates of fictional characters, I now can do it with real ones! Thank you for creating such a unique IP, but now it’s my turn to take the reins.”
The successful producer is looking at ways to make your life incorporate more of the Marvel family. Going to see a Disney movie? That’s an opportunity for some synergy. Hanging out with friends? A crossover event! Everything in your life is a new storytelling opportunity.
Feige added, “We hope to give you fun and exciting villains to battle along the way. Expect surprising twists and turns until the day you die, or are killed off due to sluggish sales.”
And not to worry, no matter what your race or gender, you’ll be part of an immense and constantly evolving storyline. Kevin Feige’s plan for us includes a place for everyone! Unless you identify as LGBTQ. In which case you’ll be replaced by Joe Russo and your sexuality will be barely referenced and then never mentioned again.
What do you think? Looking forward to having your decisions made for you while being given the illusion of free will? Comment below!