Long Time Fans Beg Kevin Smith: Please Stop Your Cinematic Universe

Dozens of Gen Xers and Millennials gathered around Kevin Smith’s Hollywood Hills mansion today after hearing the announcement of Twilight of the Mallrats, a Mallrats sequel. The crowd responded with a simple two word demand: “No More.”

New Jersey’s most valuable export Kevin Smith was known as an indie darling when he released the trailblazing Clerks in 1994. Since then, the man created his own cinematic universe mixing the characters from eight of his movies in a meta-tornado the likes that have never been seen. And we really mean “never been seen,” did you know about the Jay and Silent Bob reboot

“I can’t stands it no more!” yelled long time fan Matthew J. Shabadoo, “I loved smoking pot and watching my Clerks: The Animated Series DVDs on repeat. But he’s gone too far with all these connections! I’m 32 now. If I can grow up, why can’t Kevin Smith?”

The View Askewniverse was innovative for the time, branching off into comic books, reality TV shows, a comic book store, and the world’s only successful podcasting network. However the 2010s were a devastating decade for Smith’s creative integrity since the bomb known as Cop Out. He would then become the first man legally addicted to marijuana, leading him to needlessly expand on his formerly loved film franchises. 

“I paid for Jay & Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie!” claimed Former unpaid SModcast forum moderator Zack Linky, “I’ve made some regretful decisions, but I’m really not proud of that one.”

Kevin Smith’s desire to assist his old friends through media goes beyond the likes of Adam Sandler. He’s threatened long time fans with more cinematic universes. Let’s not forget the True North trilogy, spearheaded by Johnny Depp, featuring classics like Tusk and Yoga Hosers.

With the way Kevin Smith creates content, you’ll never know when a crossover lurks around the corner! The True North Trilogy might be folded into the View Askewniverse with a last minute Jay & Silent Bob cameo! They already infested and mysteriously revived Scream!

And he continues to taunt his ever shrinking fanbase to this day!

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3 CLERKS! Thanks to the good folks at @zscentertainment and @leeloomultiprops, I got to see Randal! #JeffAnderson, @jaymewes, and I spent Saturday signing stuff and catching up, seeing so much movie merch that’s been made over the last 25 years (hit the Leloo site for sweet signed skateboards)! But even better than that? We talked about making a movie together. It’ll be a movie that concludes a saga. It’ll be a movie about how you’re never too old to completely change your life. It’ll be a movie about how a decades-spanning friendship finally confronts the future. It’ll be a movie that brings us back to the beginning – a return to the cradle of civilization in the great state of #newjersey. It’ll be a movie that stars Jeff and @briancohalloran, with me and Jay in supporting roles. And it’ll be a movie called CLERKS III! To be great is to go on. To go on is to go far. To go far is to return. And we’re all gonna return to the scene of the crime! This won’t be the old script we almost made a few years back: this is a completely new screenplay that I just started writing last night! And so far, it’s like a dream come true! After mending fences with @benaffleck earlier this year, I was hoping for a chance to do the same with Jeff – so huge thanks to Leeloo Multiprops for getting us all in the same room. But the biggest thanks ever go to Jeff, for being receptive to the idea at all. This means I’m gonna get to play with my two favorite inaction figures again: Dante & Randal! Two weeks from the debut of @jayandsilentbob Reboot (on @fathomevents screens 10/15 & 10/17, link in my bio), I’m ecstatic to announce our imminent return to Quick Stop! So I assure you: we’re open! #KevinSmith #clerks3 #jaymewes #jayandsilentbob #danteandrandal #quickstop #leeloomultiprops #indiefilm #clerks

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As Smith continues to work throughout the industry as a professional opinion haver, his followers have reached their breaking point. Can they deal with Clerks III? Will his Youtube channel survive?

The answer lies in the angry, tired hearts of his fans.

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