BREAKING NEWS: Steel Reboot in the Works

The big news this week is that Warner Brothers is looking to reboot 1997’s biggest and most critically acclaimed superhero film, Steel.

In the original and well-loved classic, rapper and occasional basketball star Shaquille O’Neal played a weapon designer, not Tony Stark, whose weapons are stolen by a villainous Judd Nelson, playing himself. To fight back, he builds himself a suit of armor with the help of his disabled friend, not Rhodey, and meets a precocious teen played by Ray J. Yes, that one.

Producer Quincy Jones said, “After Steel came out, people were clamoring for a sequel. Our toy sales were through the roof. Stores couldn’t keep the Judd Nelson figure on the shelves. Unfortunately, Warner got cold feet after Batman & Robin and the sequel never came to fruition. But now we see an opportunity for a new armored weapons designer, who isn’t Tony Stark, to make a big comeback!”

Upon hearing the news, Shaq ran to the Warner Brothers lot and has been sitting in the casting office in costume for two days. “I’ve been waiting for this for 20 years now. At least twice a week I put on the suit and wait by the phone. Finally, I’m going to be Steel again!” said Shaq, overheard in a bathroom stall while he was attempting to remove his suit to relieve himself.

A receptionist who preferred to not be named said, “He refuses to leave. All he does is recite his lines from the movie and give out copies of his album, “Shaq Fu”. We’ve told him a script isn’t even written and that producers were looking to cast younger but he doesn’t even look at us. We’re getting worried.”

The Steel reboot has a tentative release date of 2021.

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