10 Ways Martin Scorsese Can Improve the Film Industry

Martin Scorsese launched another crusade against the superhero genre by claiming that superhero films are still not cinema! He believes “We need cinemas to step up and show films that are narrative films.” Well sir, when someone demands something from you, I think of a great woman’s speech from Captain America: Civil War…

Compromise when you can. Where you can’t, don’t. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is elling you to move. It is your duty, to plant yourself like a tree, look them in they eye and say, “No…you move.”

We here at True Superhero Fans Only won’t stand for this! So Scorsese, if you know so much about what’s good for the film industry, then fix this! We have a few suggestions in mind that you could put into practice to save the film industry.

1. Lower Ticket Prices

You can’t fight the value given by a streaming service versus a movie theater. I’m tired of spending $10 at the minimum to take a gamble on something I might hate. So get all the major chains and have them lower ticket prices. All this talk of dollar theaters of yore and $5 ticket Tuesdays makes me want to enjoy the cinema again!

Can you do that for me, Marty?

2. Better Public Transportation

Another aggravating aspect of the cinematic experience is getting to the theater. Too many Americans are reliant on cars to get from place to place. If the theater sells alcohol, then you’ll save our society from more drunk drivers! We need bus stops and improved road infrastructure at all theaters to cultivate the medium.

Can you do that for me, Marty?

3. Build More Small Indie Theaters

Have you ever been to a small town? Some of them don’t even have movie theaters and you have to drive over an hour to see the newest theater release! Let alone local governments having to allocate the space or resources to get a multiplex. If Jimmy Carter can build homes into his 90s; there’s no reason Scorsese can’t get his teamsters together to start laying bricks!

Can you do that for me, Marty?

4. All Films Should Be Wide Release

Not all of us were blessed to live in New York or Los Angeles where the directors like you live in fancy mansions. I’m tired of hearing about how great a film is on Twitter because it was already shown to other foreign countries worldwide. So from the big theaters to the one-screen wonder, we need more films available everywhere. You have the power to push the distribution model so I can see that weird anime movie or that foreign darling.

Can you do that for me, Marty?

5. Make Movies Every Weekend

Martin Scorsese has made 25 films over the course of his life with two of them, The Irishman and Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story coming out this year alone! He’s an incredible filmmaker with millions of dollars. People see his films. What if he made films that we’d drive out to see in the theater every week? That way we can gather around the watercolor every Monday going “You see the new Scorsese?”

Can you do that for me, Marty?

6. Free Streaming Services

Word on the street is that the Oscars is switching the DVD Screener service into a streaming model. My idea? Give it to everyone! And for free! Scorsese usually makes Oscar-winning movies. I wanna see all the Oscar movies before the Oscars, so I know what the hell they are about! You gotta scratch the fanboy itch to tell people that they are wrong about award winners!

Can you do that for me, Marty?

7. Teach Film Theory and Critical Thinking in Schools

Our undying love for the superhero genre is shared at TSFO, though we aren’t afraid to watch highfalutin three hour epics. So we should bribe the Department of Education to teach mandatory film theory and critical thinking. That way we can finally decode what Joker was all about.

Can you do that for me, Marty?

8. Throw Bob Iger into a Volcano

If you can’t do those things? Play dirty. Disney’s controlling everything and he’s pushing the agenda for big films. If you show your dominance in the Ring of Battle, you’ll sure to become the new Disney CEO where you can control the budget and schedule of superhero films!

Can you do that for me, Marty?

9. Break Up Large Hollywood Monopolies

To get to the heart of why big budget thrill park movies are everywhere, cut to the core of the problem. Large companies only bet their monies on gigantic action blockbusters that’ll succeed everywhere. If you break down all the major studios so they can’t overwhelm smaller studios, you’ll get more independent media! As long as you don’t touch superhero films, big or small, this is completely fine!

Can you do that for me, Marty? In fact, can you do the biggest thing Marty?

10. Become President and Legalize Universal Healthcare

You might ask yourself what Universal Healthcare means for the Film Industry. Look at it as a ripple effect. Having free healthcare for all will allow the art of cinema to bloom to tremendous heights! Just consider the following:

  • More stuntmen!
  • Accessible anti-depressants for writers!
  • Cybernetic implants for film goers!
  • Revivers and recreational drugs for impulsive producers!
  • Immortality blood for our oldest actors/actresses!

All these things are within our grasp! And we all know your third cousin twice removed on your dad’s side, Bernie Sanders, is fighting an uphill battle. You were young once! Revolutionize the industry…by any means necessary!

Can you do that for me, Marty?

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